"If you act based on the assumption that you know what your partner is thinking or feeling, there can be a big chance that you will be making a mistake. There is a simple solution to this problem. Ask questions rather than make assumptions. Try "What are you thinking?" "What can I do to help you?" or "Are you upset with me?"... Another option is to delay your response to a perceived attack and give the "attacker" a chance to explain. Say something like "From the tone in your voice it sounded like you were attacking me. Am I hearing you correctly?" or "Is it my imagination or are you angry with me right now?" Allowing others to clarify their statements before you respond defensively will keep you from misspeaking and creating conflict.
From "Getting Your Life Back " by Jesse H. Write, M.D., Ph.D., and Monica Ramirez Basco, Ph.D., author of Never Good Enough
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