86. "Idea democracy."

"In the past, the idea from the person with the biggest title won. Now with (Website experimentation and) testing, it is much cheaper to have a bunch of good ideas and for a very low cost (time and dollars) simply put the ideas out there and let the customers tell us which ones are best. You have the same opportunity as your company founder or head designer or newest expensive cool Marketer/Analyst/MBA to put your crazy thought on the site. How cool is that! Idea democracy."

From "Web Analytics—AN HOUR A DAY" by Avinash Kaushik, Wiley Publishing, Inc.

85. "Ageism—prejudice against old people—is rampant."

"Ageism—prejudice against old people—is rampant, even among doctors, social workers, and other professionals who routinely deal with the elderly. They expect old people to be frail, confused, depressed, and incontinent, so they don’t do anything to change the situation. They fail to treat ailments or address loneliness or worries. What does he expect at his age?

Of course, many of the ailments, as well as some of the physical and mental decline, that are common in old age can be treated. And at any age, patients deserve respect and serious attention to their medical problems.

Beware of ageism in yourself, in others and even in your parent, who may feel that he is just a worthless old man. Encourage him to get proper medical care, to do the things he loves, to make friends and pursue hobbies. Your parent should do all this despite his age—and perhaps because of it."

From "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris, Workman Publishing, New York

84. "My brother refused to believe that my mother had dementia."

"My brother refused to believe that my mother had dementia. I would tell him specific things that she did and how impossible things were becoming, but he always came up with an excuse for her. And then he would tell me that I was the one with the problem, that I was being overprotective.

I brought Mom to his house one Saturday. I knew that the only way he would realize what was happening was if he saw it for himself, if he spent some real time with her. When we arrived, I told him that I had to go out of town and left Mom with him for the night. I didn’t give him an out.

When I came back for her the next day, he took one look at me, and for the first time in my life, I saw my brother cry. It was very sad, and I felt sorry for him. I understood—he really hadn’t wanted to see it. But I had to do it. I needed his help and his support. I couldn’t handle it alone any longer.

--Terry B."

From "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris, Workman Publishing, New York

83. "Happiness is not a gift someone else can give you."

"Successful relationships don't just happen, they take work. Happiness is not a gift someone else can give you, it's not even something you can get for yourself, it just happens as a byproduct of living well. Living well usually doesn't mean taking the easy way out."

From "Undoing Depression" by Richard O'Connor, Ph.D.

82. "Drop it. And try to be understanding and forgiving."

"At some point, however, you need to stop wasting your breath. If a sibling absolutely will not help no matter how you plead, this is his or her decision. Your sister might not be able to accept that your parent is sic or dying. Or your brother might have such a complex and painful relationship with your father that he can’t begin to deal with any of this. Or maybe your sibling is terribly busy with other things, or simply self-involved. Drop it. And try to be understanding and forgiving. Your sibling has his reasons—one that you may never understand—and, in the end, he will have to live with this decision. Let go of it; move on to more productive tasks."

From "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris, Workman Publishing, New York

81. "To Exist is To Resist"

From "To Exist is To Resist (Esistere e' resitere)" translated by Myths America. You can read this powerful Italian poem and its beautiful English translation at http://mythsamerica.blogspot.com/2010/02/italian-poem-translation-esistere-e.html.

80. "Remember, you are not responsible for everyone's happiness."

From "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris, Workman Publishing, New York

79. "Am I making myself clear to you?"

"Am I understanding you? Am I making myself clear to you? The technique of repeating back what the other person has said ("I hear you saying that you're dissapointed I wanted to leave the party early"), while it sounds so simple-minded it's subject to caricature, is the place to start. It's really an excercise in developing empathy."

From "Undoing Depression" by Richard O'Connor, Ph.D., Berkley Books, New York

78. "Projection and projective identification are defenses that can be used by anyone, depressed or not."

"Projection and projective identification are defenses that can be used by anyone, depressed or not. And they are especially likely to be evoked in close relationships, because intimacy, though good for us, is scary—we fear being engulfed, dominated, controlled. People with depression are likely to take their own bad feelings about themselves and project the feelings onto the people who care about them. The depressed husband who has lost his job doesn’t believe his wife really means her words of comfort and reassurance; he doubts his own worth but defends against this doubt by attributing it to her. After enough rejection, she stops trying to make him feel better, and he is reinforced in his belief that she doesn’t care about him."

From "Undoing Depression" by Richard O'Connor, Ph.D., Berkley Books, New York

77. "Expecting the spouse to read one's mind is just unfair and silly."

"It seems natural to expect that those close to us understand us perfectly. But it is a wish that grown-ups must abondon. One of the points that marriage counselors have to make is that expecting the spouse to read one's mind is just unfair and silly. If you don't communicate it, you can't blame your partner for not understanding it.

Many of the techniques described earlier as assertiveness skills will help prevent ambiguous communication...

... unambiguous communication can become almost second nature as we practice and it becomes rewarded by greater levels of intimacy and satisfaction in relationships."

From "Undoing Depression" by Richard O'Connor, Ph.D., Berkley Books, New York

76. "Content is lyrics, process is music."

"The content of a conversation is what we talk about; the process is how we conduct the talking. Content is lyrics, process is music. Which is it that most directly speaks to feelings? From the point of view of feelings, process, like music, goes directly to our soul, while content must be analyzed intellectually. If we feel listened to and respected, we can take a rebuff. If we feel dismissed or patronized, even if we get our way, we’re likely to be dissatisfied.

Shifting the focus of the conversation from content to process can be a very effective way of resolving communication problems. When my wife asks what I want for dinner, pasta or chicken, and I say I don’t care, what I’m often missing is that she’s asking for a little companionship, a little mutual ownership of a decision. If I say, "Chicken sounds good," but say it with a "Don’t interrupt me" attitude, I’m still dismissing her, event though I’ve answered her question. She will feel diminished (and I’ll feel guilty, even if I’m not consciously aware of it). What she can do is say, "Don’t ignore me like that," or "It wouldn’t hurt you to take your nose out of your book for a minute" – shifting from content to process, letting me know that I’ve been rude, letting me know that she just needs a reasonable amount of attention."

From "Undoing Depression" by Richard O’Connor, Ph.D., Berkley Books, New York

75. "Consider incentives only as a last resort."

"For most website or post-visit surveys, the best practice is not to provide incentives. Customers want to share their experiences on your website and let you know how you can improve it for them. Incentives usually skew that data because the incentive becomes the motivation, and this usually reduces the quality of the data. It is also harder to detect the pollution in the data. If you don’t have enough respondents, try to optimize the questions, structure, and triggers. Consider incentives only as a last resort."

From “Web Analytics – An Hour a Day” by Avinash Kaushik, Sybex

74. "You really have no right to deny another person's perception of you."

"Saying thank you is difficult for some people...

Accepting compliments -- receiving very supportive statements directed toward you, or about you to a third person -- is perhaps an even more challenging task, particularly difficult if you are not feeling good about yourself...

Think about it: you really have no right to deny another person's perception of you. If you say, "Oh, you just caught me on a good day!" or "It wasn't anything special" or "It was an accident that it turned out well," you have in effect said the compliment giver has poor judgment. It is as if you told that person, "You're wrong!" Try to allow everyone the right to feelings; if they are positive toward you, do others -- and yourself -- the courtesy of accepting.

You don't have to go around praising youself or taking credit for achievements that are not your own. However, when another person sincererly wishes to convey a positive comment about you, allow the expression without rejection or qualification. Try saying at the least, "It's hard for me to accept that, but thank you," or better yet simply, "That feels good" or "I like to hear that.""

From "Your Perfect Right" by Robert Alberti, Ph.D., and Michael Emmons, Ph.D., Impact Publishers, Atascadero, California

73. "... research suggests that a third of smoke detectors had dead or missing batteries.

... They should be checked at least every couple of months."

From "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris, Workman Publishing, New York