84. "My brother refused to believe that my mother had dementia."

"My brother refused to believe that my mother had dementia. I would tell him specific things that she did and how impossible things were becoming, but he always came up with an excuse for her. And then he would tell me that I was the one with the problem, that I was being overprotective.

I brought Mom to his house one Saturday. I knew that the only way he would realize what was happening was if he saw it for himself, if he spent some real time with her. When we arrived, I told him that I had to go out of town and left Mom with him for the night. I didn’t give him an out.

When I came back for her the next day, he took one look at me, and for the first time in my life, I saw my brother cry. It was very sad, and I felt sorry for him. I understood—he really hadn’t wanted to see it. But I had to do it. I needed his help and his support. I couldn’t handle it alone any longer.

--Terry B."

From "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris, Workman Publishing, New York